Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I'm MORE than just a Mom...

Warning:  If you are one of those people who believe that being a parent means that you have to pour ALL of yourself into your child(ren) & are no longer an individual, then PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST.  This is for the parents who are PEOPLE first & foremost, who just happen to also have children.

So, I'm going to go ahead and say the "forbidden words" that mothers are just never supposed to say aloud:  I. NEED. A. MOMMY. BREAK!!!  I am literally exhausted from all of the whining, crying, talking back, huffing & puffing, attitudes & stomping around that I encounter nearly EVERY DAY as a single mom - I just need some time off to stop being a mom & be just me.  I used to feel bad about feeling this way - that my kid sometimes annoys me & there are times that I need space from her - but now I know it is an absolute necessity to proper parenting.  What most parents fail to realize is:  we are still individuals with individual needs!  Becoming a mother - scratch that - a single mother does not negate my responsibility to myself as a woman & human being!  I have needs too, just like my daughter has needs.  And if my needs are not properly met, I turn into one cranky mother (shut yo mouth) & all hell breaks loose!!  Knowing and admitting this about myself does not, under any circumstance, make me a bad mother.  It makes me a smart & brave mother who has recognized this early on and is willing to admit it.

Once you become a mom, most of us automatically drop whatever it is we had going for ourselves & begin to pour everything into our kids.  We sacrifice our wants and needs for theirs.  We put what they want to do above what we want to do, because let's face it - that's just good parenting, right?!  WRONG!!!  Don't get me wrong, if you are a selfish person, who is only interested in doing what YOU want, and puts yourself first in everything you do - & are unwilling to put others before you - EVER - then you should not become a parent.  Plain and simple.  BUT, wanting to do this sometimes, and realizing that becoming a parent doesn't make you less of a human - who has individual needs - is only natural & is absolutely OK.  If you don't do for yourself, show love & care for yourself - how can you do for your child????  Children learn through observation & observation alone.  Showing your kids that it is okay to neglect yourself is teaching them the wrong message!  They (especially daughters) must learn that the self is important - & you must care for it accordingly.  This means you not only do the things that you enjoy, but you also give yourself the things that you need - & often forget about.  Take some trips without the kid(s).  Go pamper yourself with a mani/pedi & spa treatment (& try and leave the little ones home sometimes).  Go spend time with other GROWN-UPS, doing grown up things, where you do not have to censor yourself because there are little eyes watching & ears listening.  Go be YOU - & everything that entails!!!  And you can still be a mom - a Great one.

All I'm saying is... If you do not put yourself first, the end result is resentment toward your children & the other parent.  And this is just not a healthy way of coping with the changes of parenthood.  So... BE a mom.  But be YOU - a woman, an individual, a human being with needs, etc. - and somehow find a way to have a balance between the two...  Once you have mastered this, you will find peace within yourself & peace with your child(ren).

That said:  This Mommy needs a vacay, a mani/pedi, some Yoga, and a Ladies Night -- STAT!  Doctor's orders! ;-)

Over & Out!